Things I Want Your Heart To Know

Much to my chagrin, I have made the difficult decision to no longer go after my Masters degree. I made this choice after much prayer.

My decision was based on my health, and the fact that I won’t be able to get a job to pay off my college debts.

I know that God has already blessed my choice. And that’s good enough for me.

Psalm 26:3 – For thy lovingkindness is before mine eyes: and I have walked in thy truth. (KJV)

My mom spent countless hours researching online ways to make living with ALS easier for me. She found a system for bathing that included a waterproof chair, a tub, a plastic curtain, and a hose.

The chair was white plastic, except the seat, which was a soft, blue mesh with a hole in the center, like a toilet. That was used for the washing of private areas. The tub was a blue plastic square to collect the water. The curtain covers the entire body when in a seated position. It hung on several white plastic rods, and the curtain closed completely around the tub. We learned quickly to tuck the curtain into the tub, after flooding the floors! The hose was long and white and reached from my kitchen sink nozzle all the way to my living room, which was two rooms away. It had a shower nozzle for the part that rained on me.

I have limb-onset ALS, which started in my left foot and leg. When I could no longer stand in the shower, or get out of the bathtub, Mom ordered the bathing shower set. At that point, I still had a little bit of use in my legs, and full use of my upper body. I would wash myself and my hair for a few months. Then, as my upper body weakened, my nurse or aide would wash me and my hair. Eventually, I lost all strength in my legs, and could no longer sit in a chair; I would slide out. From that point forward, I could only have bed baths, and I have done so for many years.

It’s not all bad. I miss being able to wash myself, and having the showerhead rain warm to hot water down on me. What I do like is having a female aide bathe me with hot, sudsy water! It’s like a massage!

Matthew 23:27 – Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! … which indeed appear beautiful outward … but within are full of … all uncleanness. (KJV)

Genesis 3: Why is the scariest? Allow me to start at the beginning.

At the start of Genesis 3, Eve is standing at The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, from which Adam was not to eat. The serpent, a snake, was cunning and knew if the woman could make Adam eat the fruit of the tree, that he would suffer death some day. Disguised as a serpent, Satan would do anything to thwart God’s creations. The serpent lied to Eve, “Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that the day you eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:4,5)

Eve did eat the fruit, and she brought it to her husband, Adam. Adam took one bite and both of their eyes were opened, realizing they were naked. They sewed fig leaves together and hid from God, because they were naked. “And He said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?” (Verse 11)

Adam blamed Eve, and she blamed the serpent. God, in His Holy Righteousness, then gave out the punishments. To the snake, God promised always trouble between its seed and Eve’s seed. For Eve, He promised pain in childbirth. To Adam, the scariest promise of all: “And unto Adam He said, Because thou hast hearkened to the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” (Verses 17-19)

Again: Why is Genesis 3 the scariest chapter in the Bible? This was humanity’s one chance to live a perfect, sinless, completely happy life in paradise. The moment Adam bit into the fruit, we lost paradise, and were forced to live a sinful life, at the end of which we suffer death. Every time I read this chapter, I hope, in vain, that Adam will not take a bite. Alas, he does, and this sin-filled world, full of murders, disease, and death, is the result.

That is not to say we cannot find happiness on our journey. I am living proof, that one may be saddled with a fatal disease and still find joy in this world which has fallen from grace. Plus, we have been given a Savior, Jesus Christ, who, if we believe on Him, will give us Heaven, and we will finally spend eternity in paradise.

Acts 16:31 – “And they said, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.” (KJV)

Luke 23:43 – “And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with Me in paradise.” (KJV)

It is corny and cliche’, but it is true!

Enjoy! Merry Christmas!

I’m both nervous and excited. As I stated in a previous post, I’m working on my Masters degree at Southern New Hampshire University. This term’s course is called “Story and Context,” which I had attempted before, but I had ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. Thank the Lord that SNHU refunded me for the course! But, what makes me nervous? I had read the course curriculum, and, aside from a lot of reading, the class is like two courses in one! Hey, who said getting my Masters would be easy?

So, that brings me to the reason for this post – I, once again, will not be able to give this blog the attention that it deserves. I will be on hiatus for the next 12 weeks, starting tomorrow. If I can fit in a post or two, I will, especially with the holidays approaching. Please pray for me, as I embark on this next chapter of my life, especially as a person living with ALS. Due to ALS, I am much slower. Still, I welcome the challenge.

Philippians 4: 13 – I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (KJV)

Every day, as I read my Bible, I’m looking for inspiration for my blog. Today a verse jumped out and slapped me. It was Revelation 2:4 “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hath left thy first love.” (KJV)

For a Christian, leaving our first love, means putting God (God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit) last in our lives. If He is there at all. Each time we leave God out of the challenges and the triumphs happening each day, we leave our first love. As a person living with ALS, I frequently need the Lord our God. I ask Jesus to “take the wheel” of my life, and every time I drink iced tea or water. I could easily aspirate my drink, but I don’t when I call upon Jesus, my Savior.

I need God, and I constantly praise and thank Him for the benefits I receive, as well as the hardships. This is because I know when troubles come, the Lord is teaching me something. For example: When I receive cough assist (a machine hooked up to my tracheostomy tubing) which makes me cough, which I can’t do on my own. If I don’t ask God to clear my lungs, there is always some mucous left in my chest. I thank the Lord anyway, because it was my fault; I’d left my first love.

1 John 4:19 – We love Him, because He first loved us. (KJV)

I get asked frequently about how I stay optimistic in the face of ALS. The truth is sometimes I’m not happy at all. I cry. I scream (silently, because I have no voice). I get angry. Sometimes I despise living with ALS.

Then I read God’s word and I am comforted. The Bible is chock full of uplifting verses. The Old Testament alludes to a Savior to come. In the New Testament, the Savior (Jesus Christ) is born! The first four books of the New Testament; Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (otherwise known as the gospels) concern themselves with the pregnancy of His mortal mother Mary, to His early years, to His miracles, and to His death on the cross, His rising from the dead, and His ascension into Heaven.

Then I remember His miracles. Just like the man who Jesus made to walk again, He can heal me, too! Miracles do happen every day!

That changes my demeanor right away. No longer am I angry, nor do I cry or scream. Instead, I am filled with courage, optimism, and a giant love for Jesus Christ, my Savior.

John 5:8 – Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk. (KJV)

First things first: the term “Born Again” gets a bad rap. It simply means that you recognize that you’re a sinner, and that Jesus lived a sinless life in our place. Then the Holy Spirit fills your heart with a bountiful love for God forever. That means you are “saved” or “born again.”

My conversion happened quickly. Although I’d been attending a Presbyterian church and learning much, music was the way that the Holy Spirit turned my heart from a nonchalant vision of God to loving the Lord forever. I had attended a Christian camp for teens, where we sang Christian songs about loving God. We were into a third song when I felt an overpowering feeling of love for the Lord. I began to cry tears of great joy as I continued to sing. I still get teary when I think of the moment I was saved.

What does it mean to be saved? As I said before, it’s the same as being born again. More importantly, Jesus Christ has led you away from a sinful life of unforgiveness to a sinful life of forgiveness. God will forgive your sins and fight your enemies. Best of all, once you belong to Jesus, no one can take you from him.

From a children’s hymn: “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so; little ones to him belong, they are weak, but He is strong. Yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me; the Bible tells me so.” Like the criminal who was hung on a cross beside Jesus, he asked Jesus if he could be beside Him in Heaven. Jesus said yes. This mere man, this criminal, who had never done a good thing in his life, asked of Jesus to save him from everlasting Hell, and Jesus did.

Luke 23:43 – And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, to day thou shalt be with me in paradise. (KJV)

I really don’t mind having ALS, but would I change it if I could? Absolutely! Until God heals me, and I don’t know if it will be in this life or the next, I’m living in the slow lane.

Life with ALS means perpetual slow motion. I type sloooowlyyyy because I have to eye each letter individually. I have to wait for someone to give me a drink. Yes, although I’ve had a tracheostomy, I can still drink. I loooove Dunkin Donuts blueberry iced tea. It’s so refreshing. My friend, Rise, makes me homemade herbal iced tea, which is muy delicioso! I have to wait patiently for my feeding through my G-tube, because it runs throughout the night. I have to be patient with everything.

Except for the past week. My mother, who, if you follow this blog then you already know, is my primary caregiver. However, she has been in the hospital for the past seven days. My darling and loving, younger sisters, Cathy and Cindy, took over right away. They scheduled someone to be with me 24/7. They would grind my pills for the day and night, so certain people could give me my medications throughout the day and into the night. They and Mom flew my son, Danny, in from Florida, both to help and so we could spend time together before he left for boot camp. My niece, Missy, helped out too.

Mom came home from the hospital, and for a couple of days Cindy, Cathy, and Danny continued to help with my care, while allowing Mom to heal. Then Danny flew home and it was just me and Mom. I praise God for Mom every day; and for the family who helped in our time of need.

Luke 10: 33 – And a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him. (KJV)